Tuesday, April 10, 2012

A Dialogue Between Chauvinists

We enter the scene mid-conversation:

SHE: If men are automatically covered by insurance for Viagra for erectile dysfunction, then women should be automatically covered for birth control.

HE: The prospect of pregnancy is not a dysfunction. In fact, if anything, it is a something functioning all too well. The dysfunction is earlier, in a woman's mind: sleeping with a guy when not on the pill or without making sure he is using a condom; that's what's dysfunctional.

SHE: Who are you kidding? Most men use Viagra to increase sexual performance, not for erectile dysfunction. Should they be covered for that?

HE: (strongly and righteously) No. Those men should be denied Viagra insurance coverage. When it becomes a performance enhancing drug, there should be no insurance coverage. It should fall in the same category as breast and penis enhancement and face lifts. Medical insurance is properly conceived to financially protect us when the body breaks down, through illness or disease. It should not be in effect merely because we are unhappy with our present state. (She tries to interrupt but cannot! He is on a roll; voice rising.) Sex and conception and pregnancy are not diseases. They are a natural--granted, sometimes surprising when they occur-- part of healthy living. Therefore, while one can only properly insure oneself against pregnancy as one can insure oneself against any undesired and surprising unwanted future occurrence or inconvenience (a dinner party being rained out; a baseball game cancelled...Lloyds of London will write a policy on anything). But to protect oneself against pregnancy by considering it a disease, and therefore coverable by normal medical coverage, is erroneous. (She refuses to speak...only rolls her eyes.) When we consider it as a disease, we fall into the trap of considering any life event of which we don't like as an insurable disease: "I don't like the size of our breasts and want less or more;" "I don't like the size of my penis. I want more (most men don't want less...although perhaps their partners might!)." If you don't like your body; change it...but pay for the costs yourself! (She goes into the next room. He follows,) To reiterate: sex and its consequences is not a disease or illness; unless perhaps it reaches psychological obsessive proportions. Then medical coverage might properly cover attending psychiatrists. (She goes into her bathroom. He follows.) But those extreme psychological dysfunctional cases should not be considered the norm...unless you are willing to consider all women psychologically imbalanced when it comes to the possibility of getting pregnant (and if so, they should stop dressing as an encouragement to men to have more sex with them...low cleavage, spike heels, high skirt lines, et. al.). As a final summation of my position: I support unlimited access to birth control but not governmental financial support. Food stamps are necessary for people to eat; and live. The government should help society with them. But nobody dies from a lack of sex.

SHE: (Seated on the john.) You are such a male chauvinist pig! (She wipes; he turns away.)

HE: What do you expect, talking to a female chauvinist sow. (long pause) Are we going out dancing tonight or not?!

She flushes the toilet; seriously considering how to do the same with him.


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